Sex, most surreptitiously discussed topic of this country is taking a new dimension with every passing day. This story is not about sex per se, the title might have little correlation to contents. Still, it was animating enough to make you click on the link, look around to check for silent eyes watching you and then start reading with a sigh. Reading, talking and having sex is so embarrassing, is it? If the answer to this question is no and you did exactly what I wrote in previous line believe me, the rot is within you.

You are not to be blamed, it’s systemic. Genesis of sex crimes and our sexual behavior lies in this systemic issue.

Is the sexual behavior of our society so renounceable? It indeed is. It appears our approach towards women, affection, our own bodies and people around us has only one dimension, sex. This is even more awfully seen by outside world. Asian development bank, in May issued an advisory to its delegates on conduct and sense of dressing in India. It called for covering most of body for women else one may become bait for sexual assault. It also warned against any display of affection in public as its illegal in India. Is it what we are and is it that leads to high number of rapes in India.

Rapes are ubiquitous, agreed, but they are more brutal and more frequent in India.

A strong law which penalizes sex offenders in befitting and swift manner is call of hour. But, law swings into action after a crime has been committed. It does not stop crime. Effectiveness of law is not in how quickly and efficiently it delivers justice. Effectiveness of law can be measured from its ability to deter criminals and public in general from committing crime. The effectiveness of law as a deterrent can not be seen in law its self. It needs a deep examination of social values the society at large adapts. Law certainly does not impact social values. They are impacted by the behavior of critical mass of society.

The protest which took place after the rape of Nirbhaya shook the conscience of entire nation. Still similar rapes are happening across India. It initiated a change in disposition of large part of Indian society towards women. It took word sex into our living rooms. It made daughters and fathers, mothers and sons discuss sex and rapes. It made us realize the way we look at women in our society will be the way society looks at women of our own families. This is bringing in tectonic shift in the values of our society.

I was brought up without formal sex education same is the case with most of my age and the ones 10 -15 years younger to me. I was taught by my senior friends and literature on sex which I could place my hand on. Informal education made women object of desire for me. It, of course, was not best sex education my parents could have afforded for me.

Objectification of women has to stop before anything else. Suppression of women by way of mandating veil, defining what a bhau cannot wear while beti can, needs to see an end. Disrespect for women makes them enabler for our daily needs even in eye of young minds. This makes woman no better than air conditioner s or televisions which too are enablers of our comfort. Provocation does not lie in the dress a woman wears; it lies in the eyes of beholder. How can wearing shorts make a man macho and wearing hot pants make a woman a whore. This differentiation is mark of our bringing up. As of now our society treats women at home as objects of gratification of social, physical and carnal needs. She is not a part of family at all.

Carnal needs can be satisfied only when both sexes participate in the act equally and respectfully. Operational words being ‘equally and respectfully’. In western countries premarital sex is absolutely accepted and normal. It does not make a woman characterless and a man a superman. More importantly it places man and woman on same pedestal, as a resultant rapes and sexual offences are much less. For our society in this case a woman is whore and man a super hero. This makes her object satisfying carnal needs. It’s absolutely fine to disapprove premarital sex, but in equal terms for both sexes.


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